The Hardest Thing

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID. ;)

Who is she anyway and why is she saying all those things?

HAI Y'ALL.

I just got back from Bintan this morning. Nope, sorry, no souvenirs. I suck. :( I forgot to bring my own money to Bintan, and everything was so expensive. Seriously, whoever got me so excited by telling me that everything there is dirt cheap needs to be slapped. It's like Singapore there, really. The tourists all came from Singapore, Singapore currency is used, there're Japanese food, Western food, Korean food and everything but Indonesian food, and everything was so expensive. Like seriously. A can of coke costs more than $3 EVERYWHERE. It got me so depressed. I had fun though. I loved my hotel room. I would gladly live there forever. And OMG the breakfast buffets were heavenly. And the staffs are just the nicest people. I would go back, if I could.

Anyway, on to the challenge of the week. This is possibly a theme I do not like at all. I can't talk about the top two of the hardest things I went through because of reasons. So I'll have to settle for my 3rd one. Damn, I sound like some sad fuck who went through so much suffering that they need to be numbered. Oh well. Here goes the story of the downward spiral of my past year life... enjoy.

This day last year is so much different from now. I can't believe so much has happened in just a year. Maybe it's because of the shift in the environment. Somehow, poly changed us. We all anticipated a change, I’m sure. After all, change is one thing that remains constant, but how can things change so much? With so little action, it creates this series of events that led to where we stand now. How do we go back? How did we even get here? If we could undo one thing, would we?

I lost a great friend. I say lost, because even if we’re still friends now, it’s not the way it used to be. He’s different now, he’s changed. I miss him a lot. The old him. It might kill me to tell him in person, but I do. I remember how we couldn’t go half a week without insulting each other or a week without hanging out… We all have that one friend who you can’t stand half the time but we really give a damn about them in a I’d-care-if-they-die kind of way. Hehe. No, really. It’s a purely platonic relationship that only a few people would understand. The kind that you’re like a cross between siblings and best friends. You squabble like siblings and argue a lot but when it all comes down to it and when it counts, you’re there for each other. To give advice, to offer company or just to be there.

I like to blame it on him, to say that he’s the one who drifted first, but I know it was my fault. I won't go into any details but he said as much. I’m sorry. And I regret it. I wish that I’d get him back but it’s clear as day that I won’t. He’s so different now. Sometimes I think that I don’t even recognize him, so I just stop trying. I will always miss him though.

The process of accepting that I lost a best friend is definitely one of the hardest thing I went through. Maybe I’m still going through it. I don’t know. So there you go.

I went in here not really knowing if I was gonna tell it or not. I don’t know why I did so I’m just going to assume that there’s a reason for it. Sorry for sounding sentimental as fuck.

I'm not going to expect you to understand anything I just said, and we are not to talk about this ever again. I'm just going to pretend I didn't just opened up about this to y'all. haha.

Have a great week, everyone.