I'm sorry, i'm not intentionally trying to turn this into a sob story but this is all that i really need to let go of. (Apart from how shitty my GPA is,despite all the hard-work) On a brighter note, I don't think i've gotten the chance to tell you guys how i'm really faring on the emotional level of things.
Brace yourself for the horror and disappointments!
I'd like to think that i'm not holding onto anything that i should have let go long ago. Unfortunately that will be lying to myself and you guys. I've not completely let go of it but i really am learning to and on the verge of success.
I hate how the slightest reminder; a hint of scent or a glimpse of a picture, can trigger the memories.
Initially, i couldn't sleep at all because every time i shut my eyes, the nightmares come back; i would dream of him. There were dreams of me losing him in the dream only to realise that i already lost him in reality when i wake up. There were also times where i'd be dreaming of the happy times but totally conscious of what has happened in reality. I didn't even know that was possible! Lately, i dreamt that he was cursed to become bodyless (yes, flying head) to haunt and kill me and only me. He was only too gleeful to accept the curse. Another time, he was trying to reconcile. I can't decide which is worse.
Insomnia soon embrace me like a long lost friend.
It's like my subconscious is trying to save me from the pain by letting in insomnia. How thoughtful of me!
Doesn't it all sound like some cheesy break-up story?haha
Well, i'm trying to let go and get over it. I started out by deleting and throwing away stuff of course. Once the physical reminders are gone, i have to conquer the emotional grounds. The keyword was REPLACEMENT. Before you get me wrong,i meant it in the sense of replacing those used-to-be-happy memories with even happier memories with other people. I think i've covered almost 90% of it. The other 10% may or may not be overcome but i guess one can never really let go of something that once meant a lot to you no matter how hard you may try. Like hot iron, it's been branded permanently in your mind.
However, "so dawn goes down to day...nothing gold can stay."
And that my dear friends, is the end of this sob story. I hope i've at least made one of you tear, a little or mentally teared.
Oh well, this and that, is life.
xoxo,
T
Brace yourself for the horror and disappointments!
I'd like to think that i'm not holding onto anything that i should have let go long ago. Unfortunately that will be lying to myself and you guys. I've not completely let go of it but i really am learning to and on the verge of success.
I hate how the slightest reminder; a hint of scent or a glimpse of a picture, can trigger the memories.
Initially, i couldn't sleep at all because every time i shut my eyes, the nightmares come back; i would dream of him. There were dreams of me losing him in the dream only to realise that i already lost him in reality when i wake up. There were also times where i'd be dreaming of the happy times but totally conscious of what has happened in reality. I didn't even know that was possible! Lately, i dreamt that he was cursed to become bodyless (yes, flying head) to haunt and kill me and only me. He was only too gleeful to accept the curse. Another time, he was trying to reconcile. I can't decide which is worse.
Insomnia soon embrace me like a long lost friend.
It's like my subconscious is trying to save me from the pain by letting in insomnia. How thoughtful of me!
Doesn't it all sound like some cheesy break-up story?haha
Well, i'm trying to let go and get over it. I started out by deleting and throwing away stuff of course. Once the physical reminders are gone, i have to conquer the emotional grounds. The keyword was REPLACEMENT. Before you get me wrong,i meant it in the sense of replacing those used-to-be-happy memories with even happier memories with other people. I think i've covered almost 90% of it. The other 10% may or may not be overcome but i guess one can never really let go of something that once meant a lot to you no matter how hard you may try. Like hot iron, it's been branded permanently in your mind.
However, "so dawn goes down to day...nothing gold can stay."
And that my dear friends, is the end of this sob story. I hope i've at least made one of you tear, a little or mentally teared.
Oh well, this and that, is life.
xoxo,
T
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