I know I am good for something

I just haven't found it yet.

Insecurities. (Do you want a list?)

I'm awkward around new people. I hate eating alone. I find it hard to get my order right when the Starbucks barista is cute. I hate missing out. I wish I could lose a few kilos. I hate attracting attention, I much rather blend in.

How about that?

I'm not a fan of meeting new people. I just don't know how to talk to them. I'm always afraid that if you bring me to a party with people I haven't met before and you're the only one I know, I would be too shy to socialize and would follow you around like a puppy all day. And that'll be awkward for everyone. I like it when they break the ice though and be the one to initiate conversations because God knows I wouldn't. Idk. I just find that I'm really quiet around people I don't know much. I've always wished to have the confidence "high girls" have. I could join camps and school socials and have fun in them.

I hate eating alone. Period. There's not really much to say.

I can't talk properly if the barista is more than average looking. I keep messing up my order. I learnt to either ask someone to order for me and if I'm alone, survey the staff first an if the guy taking orders is cute, I just won't buy. I know it's stupid. Also: when choosing seats in the bus, I always choose to either sit alone, next to a girl, or the least attractive guy. In the order. The chances of you making an ass of yourself increases tenfolds when within a meter radius of an attractive person. Yep. I avoid them like the plague. I don't deprive myself from observing from a respectable distance. No, not stalking.

I hate missing out. This is a little bit complicated. Like I don't like being the minority not invited to an "outing". Even if I don't really want to go and I'm not really interested, it'd still be nice to get invited. I know it's stupid, but I want to be invited more than I actually want to go. This is not actually a big deal. I don't hate it, I just sorta mind.

I WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I hate being stared at, it's the most uncomfortable thing, unless it's warranted. Like if I'm with friends and we're causing a scene in public, that's fine. But being the center of attention, like giving a speech, receiving a price on stage, getting mentioned by the teacher.. Those kind of things? I hate them. You could say I don't like standing out. I would take plain clothes to flashy ones any day.

Hope the last point made sense. I have a lot of insecurities and I'm honest about them. Oh is that a redeeming quality? No? Okay.